anti-recs

Resist the temptation to add these to your Netflix queue. I didn't, and I'm here to prevent you from making the same mistake. My new rule: if a movie has more than 3 actors you really admire, and yet you've never heard of it, there's a really good reason. No gems stay hidden long in the Internet age.

Take (to the next planet, please) the 1999 William Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream. It features Kevin Kline, David Straitharn, Dominic West (yes, Jimmy from The Wire), Stanley Tucci, Rupert Everett, Christian Bale—and all of them are at least competent Shakespearean actors. (Kline, Everett, West & Tucci are positively inspired.) Sadly, the female leads are Calista Flockhart and Michelle Pfeiffer. Pfeiffer's Titania principally channels Catwoman, and Flockhart's Helena seems to be scanning the horizon for a cue-card. They bring psuedo-British accents and all the theatrical grace of an over-enthusiastic 7th grader to their roles. Had to pop it out at 30 minutes because it was so painful.

Ghost Town: The Movie (2008) features Ricky Gervais being dull, Téa Leoni being dull, and Greg Kinnear being dull. The plot is dull. Ejected at 30 minutes.

The Madness of King George's pedigree is carefully illuminated parchment: story by Alan Bennet, leads by Helen Mirren, Ian Holm, Rupert Everett, based on true and horrifying events fundamental to U.S. history. And yet, dull dull dull dull.

The Red Violin was scripted by 6CD love-baby Don McKellar, and its international cast features D.M., Samuel L Jackson, Sandra Oh, Colm Feore, as well as location shots from around the planet! And yet dull, dull, dull. Ejected at 35 minutes.